is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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