I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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