Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
