Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
