You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
