So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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