If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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