I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
