just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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