I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
