Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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