Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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