i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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