I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
