Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
