Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
