Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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