I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
