Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
