Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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