I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
