i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
