Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So many bounce houses so little time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
