Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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