Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
