remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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