I can text with my tongue
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
