If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
