wrigley field is MILF paradise
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
