I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Non-Jews are for practice
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
