I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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