I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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