We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
