I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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