I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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