I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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