I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
