My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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