dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
