Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
