do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
ok first of all what the fuck
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
