I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
