My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
