Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
