ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
