True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
