Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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