i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
