Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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