butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
