Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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