the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just pee around me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
