Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
