I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
