how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
